Well, we had some adoption activity last week, but it was emotional and it didn't work out. So that makes it hard to write about. I'll give the sketchy details here.
We got a call on Wed about a baby that had been born the day before. The baby was healthy and beautiful, a girl, and would be released from the hospital on Sat. We rushed around getting our social worker to submit our homestudy. We called a pediatrician. We prepared ourselves mentally to become parents on Saturday. But there was a catch. The birthmom was given three families to choose from. And on Thursday afternoon we found out that she picked another family.
It was sad. I know I felt a very real loss and I know that Christopher did too.
And in a funny/ironic/special twist in life, on Friday we attended the book signing of my friend (and reader of this blog) Alicia King. The book is called Sorry for your loss, what people who are grieving wish you knew. It's a great book. It provides advice for people wishing to support another person who is grieving a death. I think that much of the advice also applies to people experiencing other types of loss too, including an adoption scenario that fell through or a miscarriage (which we also experienced earlier this year). I know my loss isn't as big as the death of a loved one, but the feelings I am having fall in a similar category. So, to my surprise, reading the book gave me comfort. Again, one of life's pleasant little surprises. Thanks for writing the book Alicia.
So glad to see you yesterday. We are praying for your child and can't wait till he/she is finally here in your arms.
ReplyDeleteKate, I had no idea. Probably because I was so wrapped up in my own moment that I never ASKED. I'm sorry. While I honestly believe that your child is already chosen and will come to you in the perfect moment, that doesn't take away what you and Christopher are feeling now.
ReplyDeleteI know when the day comes, it will all have been worth it, but for today? This sucks, and migraines suck, and it's okay to say it out loud.
So sorry to hear about that. I agree with everything Alicia said, and not just because she's kind of an expert on the subject. There's going to be so much happiness in your future, and getting there will be a real adventure. I'm thinking about you guys a lot!
ReplyDeleteOh, Kate that must have been so hard to get excited about this possibility and then have it fall through. When you are holding your child in the not too distant future, you will be able to look back and understand why you had to take the path you did to find him/her and it will suddenly all make sense. At least this is how Jon and I feel when we look at our Max. I just hope that day comes soon for you guys.
ReplyDeleteNancy and I had a similar let down after receiving a referral of a photo and a little girl from Korea so many years ago, only to have our hopes dashed. If we had received that little girl, Becky, Paul, Lorelei, and Benjamin would not be in our lives--a thought which we find unbearable. The child who is meant for you will come to you, even though you cannot help but feel hurt today.
ReplyDeleteKate, I am so sorry. To say that we've been there is an understatement. This very same scenario happened to us a couple of different times. Your loss is palpable to me as I sit here writing this. There was a reason this happened, I promise you. And when your baby is in your arms, you'll know. Sending you lots of love and support.
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